my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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