My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
