Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
