He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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