OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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