These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm passing your future prison.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
