You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
