Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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