Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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