This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
