i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You pole danced in your parka.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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