Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
