Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
