The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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