Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
