your room smells of hookers.
And success
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
