why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
