i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
