So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You are a genius and a whore.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
