Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize