I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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