is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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