Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
4 words: hood of his car
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize