I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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