people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
