The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
