On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He felt like a one man threesome
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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