His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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