i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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