ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
