Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize