He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
