Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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