i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
