It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
