so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
