he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
