Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Come on in and take your pants off
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