There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
