Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
