genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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