Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
