There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
