Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
