Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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