hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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