Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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