You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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