I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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