Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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