I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
wanna go halves on a baby?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
