If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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