So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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