4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
