Can i not drive my cunt home
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
