I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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