just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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