watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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