Well apparently he's into motor boating.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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