We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize