Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
